I can't tell you many times I picked off six guards in a row at the exact same spot, continually expecting them to learn from the friendly corpse pile that it was a very bad place to stand. Much like Forrest Gump traded common sense for the ability to live an extraordinary life that touched a nation, the enemies of Dog Days have apparently gained their shooting acumen by being good at absolutely nothing else. The enemies - surprise! - never seem to have this problem.
Popping out at the just the right moment with a perfectly targeted headshot only to be rewarded with a total miss is infuriatingly frequent. Lynch's accuracy is unsatisfyingly poor, no matter how good your aim might be. That would be a grave offense but not necessarily a fatal one if it did that shooting well, but Dog Days falls woefully short there too. Wait, I take that back: There are three minutes of the approximately five-hour game where you're shooting a building from a helicopter, but even then you're hiding behind the walls of the chopper. Its action is, at nearly every turn, obstinately uncreative and brings nearly nothing new to the table. It's not a jumping-off point for further meditation on that idea. Hide behind a solid structure, shoot enemies, move forward when it's safe. Since you're still only semi-reformed and this is a video game, you'll be killing your way to freedom. Your mission for most of the game? Get the hell out of Shanghai, with a stop or two for vengeance along the way. %Gallery-96734%As skullet-rocking, semi-reformed psycho Lynch, you're at the bad end of an arms deal gone wrong and you've just roped in your frenemy, the more even-keeled Kane. If that doesn't sound so bad, I should warn you that this isn't necessarily a great enchilada.
If you end up with this game in your disc drive, you'd better be ready to hide behind cover and shoot your way from one end of the game to the other over and over again, because that's what you're going to get. Out of Jack Handey's "Deep Thoughts," one of my favorites goes something like this: "If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting." It's a quote that was oddly present in my mind during my time with Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days.
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